Battle of The Ages

Today I would like to address a long standing debate that has plagued mankind for far too long. People go up in arms and fistacuffs break out. Some people even grab their pitchforks and torches and go on an old fashion witch hunt over this

What am I talking about? I’m talking about Kraft Miracle Whip vs. Hellmann’s Mayonnaise

I’m pro mayo. I’ve tried Miracle Whip and the only miracle about it is that people actually treat it as a substitute for mayo! It just tastes NASTY!

People…Miracle Whip is a DRESSING, not Mayonnaise! The FDA states that anything labelled “Mayonnaise” must contain at least 65% vegetable oil by weight. Kraft confirms that Miracle Whip doesn’t meet the mayo standard. So using Miracle Whip as a substitute for mayo is like being one of those retards that slap Acura emblems on their Hondas

Ever try Miracle Whip on a sandwich? You bite in expecting that oh-so amazing creamy taste that only mayo can provide. Instead, your poor taste buds are subjected to that  “Tangy Zip” of Miracle Whip


I remember one fateful evening when my mom substituted Miracle Whip for mayo in her macaroni salad. I didn’t know about this heinous crime until I took a bite. Let’s just say my lunch tasted better going down than coming up. Needless to say I didn’t take another bite of that macaroni salad

Proponents of Miracle Whip argue that it’s healthier than mayo. I agree whole heartedly. Mayo has about 11 grams of fat per 15ml serving and Miracle Whip has about 3.5 grams of fat. I would say it’s considerably less fat than mayo. Still, nothing can overcome that awful tangy zip.
Even if Miracle Whip had 0 grams of fat, I wouldn’t eat it. I watch what I eat and try to make some healthy choices. Instead of snacking on a chocolate bar, I grab a banana. I substitute whole wheat for white bread, with the exceptions of for pizza and sub sandwiches. I believe it’s important to treat yourself once in a while so you can enjoy what you’re eating now and then. You can’t be healthy all the time. Do yourself and your family a favour: go ahead and use mayo. It’ll make whatever you’re eating 100 times better. If you’re that concerned about your fat intake, use less or buy the low fat version. Come on people, it’s not that difficult

Kraft, I love your other products; Oreo cookies? Absolutely scrumptious; Cadbury? Delectable; Kraft Singles? Cheeseburger anyone? Miracle Whip? No Thanks! I think Hellmann’s has won. It’s time to pack it in

Enjoy your lunch/dinner with some mayo. You can thank me later


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